It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
