You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
