Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
