Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
