You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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