we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
