nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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