Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
