there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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