Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
