dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
