it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
