We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
