So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
