Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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