tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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