So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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