i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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