Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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