i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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