at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
