just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was like having sex with a tree stump
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
