can u get pink eye on your cock?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
