I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
