My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
