I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
