Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
