Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
