Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
