I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
