this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
