he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
