Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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