Swine flu. Run for my life!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
