oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
