I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
