im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
