Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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