I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
