if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
