That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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