ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
