I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
