New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
