Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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