i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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