Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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