WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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