so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
