I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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